Letting people know
I’m still physically alive
It never does. Anyone who says otherwise is a fucking idiot or a liar.
I will never amount to anything is this life. I am nothing and always will be. I will be completely forgotten in 100 years along with everything and everyone I love. Most of you won’t remember me in 5 years honestly.
I have no right to complain, I know this. I have a good life. I have a house and food and technology and everything good in my life. This is one of the reasons I am worthless and I will never get better.
There is no point to my life. The only reasons I have are to look after pets and so a few friends lives aren’t made worse by my death. My pets will be fucking dead in a few years and mean nothing in the long run and I’ve already made a lot of people miserable just by being the giant cunt I am. I could also easily make them hate me, I’ve already done it accidentally with Caro and some others.
I have nothing to look foreward to in life. I’m just going to be working some shitty dead end minimum wage fast food miserable job contributing nothing until I finally die. And then nothing matters anyways. Nothing I do matters.
I will never lose weight and get heathly and it’s bullshit even saying I will. I haven’t in seven years why would I randomly do it this year. I’ll never go to college besides to waste money and time, I’ll never love anyone, just be a waste of their love.
You could say oh my god don’t you want to see more noomi rapace stuff and more movies and wonderful things? Yes, but who fucking cares. She’ll die in my lifetime, things will be forgotten, no one will care. I’ll never meet her or any other person I weirdly obsess over. I am nothing.
There’s no point. I am nothing and will contribute nothing in this world but more hate. I will never better society in any way. I will never not be depressed and hateful. Never. Nothing helps. Nothing gets better.
I’ll never be pretty, I’ll never graduate highschool and go to prom and have friends and be normal. It just gets worse. Everything.
I have nothing to look foreward too and minimum things to live for. I’m going to die one day anyways. All I can do is make people hate me more with time, that’s all my relationships with anyone will ever be; hate and then eventually be forgotten.
I’m never going to fucking write, haven’t in years, same with the weight thing. It’s pathetic to even think so, that I’ll write, let alone get published and other bullshit.
I hate everything. I hate this. I hate this. And I can’t do anything to stop it. Nothing. Nothing will ever stop this. I will always be depressed and disfunctional and worthless.
Honestly, the only things that will happen in the next 10 years are fast food and crying every day and hating life. My friends will leave me and for good reason. My pets will die. I’ll grow to hate things I love. Everyone else will move on. I’m nothing.
Everyone is nothing.
But I’m less than everyone else. At least they have chances to be happy and love and do good in the world.
I hate this
I hate everything I just said.
I hate you and I hate me.
I hate this.
Nothing matters so everything matters.
It doesn’t get better. My life is shit and I’m shit for thinking this, because I have a good life. I do not deserve this life. I do not. I deserve nothing and no one.
It doesn’t get better. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you Chloe. I hate you. Just kill yourself and do the world a favour, you’re better fertiliser than a person. Everything I just said is nothing. nothing.
I just want this to end. But it won’t. It won’t. It won’t and I won’t. I won’t end this, I’m too selfish. I can’t end this. I’ll just be working doing nothing and being nothing. My love will die and leave me, but not before I make them more miserable than loved. As much as I want to love someone and make them feel amazing and like the gorgeous being they are, I know in the end I can only give hate and misery. Because that is what I am.
So I’m going to keep living. I’m going to stay alive and just have everything get worse or stay the same until I die. Then I’m meaningless.
It doesn’t get better.
I love you all but I hate you too. This proves it. As much as I want to love you and make you all feel amazing I can’t. I fail. I always will. Just leave now while you’re ahead, all of you, I love you but I can’t. I am sorry. I am sorry for all of this.
tl;dr I am a huge faggot please rape my face
reblogging instead of just typing up again since this is my depression master post.